Archive for December 2016
Merry Christmas
our family nativity with St. Francis Assisi
Christmas has arrived! That magical time of the year when all seems to be at peace. That time of the year when nature seems still, wars paused, enemies celebrate together, kids believe in magic and the hope of treasure. A time when most of us recall how we spent the season as a child, longing once again for that simplicity of life. Amidst all the secular commercialization, this time of the year still seems to hold a special place for us.
This picture is of the manger scene our family has set up for over two decades, and since the 1980’s I have added the statue of St. Francis of Assisi to my manger scene. Why?
In a little town in Italy, named Greccio, in the year 1223, St. Francis led an evening prayer service for the towns’ people, and to make the event meaningful he decided to recreate, live, the nativity, the birth of Jesus. Prior to this event, the displaying of nativity scenes was unheard of. But for Francis, the importance of the nativity event was that it was a real event. Historically, in the town of Bethlehem, a child, later to be named Jesus by his parents, was born. Francis, believing that this child was the son of God born into our world wanted the people of Greccio to fully understand that our God is approachable and knows us for He was born as one of us. What better way to explain this concept than by actually reenacting the scene. The rest, as they say, is history.
This Christmas, how can I make “real” in my life that which happened over 2,000 years ago? Every year, since I was a child, I watch the classic show “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. The original version brings back so many fond memories, and now as an adult I continue to enjoy it for the meaning of the story. The Grinch couldn’t take away Christmas by taking away the people’s “stuff”. Christmas, for the Who’s in Whoville, meant a lot more than what they had or didn’t have. For them, Christmas was an internal existence. A deeper sense of what the season is all about.
What is Christmas all about? Is it the birth of a child, the son of God, into the world? And if so, what does that mean for me today? The humble birth of Jesus is a sign of the love God has for us, and that love needs to be put into action in the love we have for others. In order for us to fully love another we first need to love and respect ourselves. As God becomes one of us He shows us the importance of us as humans. If God respects us than we also need to respect ourselves We were worthy enough for our Lord to become one of us, it is important for us to feel that worthiness within ourselves. When we love ourselves we are more fully able to love those around us, and that outpouring of love makes “real” the presence of God in our lives.
So, what is this season all about? Loving ourselves and loving others so that the love of God may be present in our world. This is what St. Francis tried to show the people of Greccio. I hope Francis’ message continues today in the nativity scenes we have set up. This Christmas season find ways to make Jesus real in the lives of others. If we all did this, gave the present of love to another, just think of how different our world be. Each day is a new opportunity for us. Let’s take the magic of this season and make today a magical day of love.
I wish you and your loved ones a very merry, blessed and peace-filled Christmas!!
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Trust is the meaning of Christmas Eve
Reason for the Season
Christmas Eve, for me as a child, was one of the longest days ever! As an adult, I find this day to be one filled with anticipation and excitement, for spiritually I know that tomorrow we commemorate the birth of Jesus my Lord. But today the birth is not my focus, rather, my focus turns to His mother, Mary. Mary, an unwed teenager from a small town in a desert is asked the impossible; to trust so deeply in God when asked to bear God’s son. I have no doubt that Mary’s “yes” came with some hesitation and trepidation. And I’m sure she did not always have a pleasant time of it when dealing with her future husband, her family, and just the fact of being pregnant in general. Yet, through it all, Mary never gave up.
Jesus was born to this poor teenage girl in a stable in a small town in the far reaches of the Roman empire. He was born to a girl who took a leap of faith and trusted in her God. She persevered, not knowing the outcome. Onward she traveled, despite hardship and fear.
For me, Christmas is not only a time of celebration and remembrance; it is also a time when I feel challenged to live the example set forth by Mary; to trust, in faith, in my God; to persevere along the journey even though I may be scared or not understanding its end or purpose in my life. Today, let’s follow the example of Mary, a poor young teenage girl, who struggled the best she could, and in the end provided the world with its savior.
I share this song for your reflection (words are below). This song sums up for me how I imagine Mary felt. How do the words speak to you?
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RVTZDgcpqM]
Breath of Heaven
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I’ve done
Holy Father, You have come
Chosen me now to carry Your Son
Do You wonder as You watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place
But I offer all I am for the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be help me
Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Light in my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness
For You’re holy
Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Light in my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness
For Your holy breath of heaven
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
tips for finding hope in winter
“In winter we lead a more inward life. Our hearts are warm and cheery, like cottages under drifts, whose windows and doors are half concealed, but from whose chimneys the smoke cheerfully ascends.” Henry David Thoreau
My house after the first of two blizzards to hit in 2010 (credit: Blog Author)
Today, our planet is tilted in such a way that half of us will experience the shortest day of the solar year, the Winter Solstice. Personally, this is my favorite time of the year, for as Thoreau so poetically wrote, this is the time of the year most suited for leading an inward life.
I grew up in the northern part of the US where the days were short, the nights long, and snow blowing in the bitter wind. Ah, heaven! The sun would set around 4:00pm or so and a purplish haze would envelop the area just prior to the arrival of darkness; my favorite time of the day. Why? I’m not really sure, to be honest. It may be because that’s where I grew up and so the memory of cold winter evenings brings a warmth to my thoughts. It may be because of my penchant for quiet beauty as an opportunity for reflection. Regardless, today ushers in an excitement for me just as the arrival of summer produces in others.
The Winter solstice has been observed for thousands of years. Our ancestors built edifices, large bonfires, and later lit up their homes; all in the hope of enticing the sun to return. If we think as ancient humans thought, imagine what would be going through their minds as the days shortened. In lieu of scientific knowledge, they most likely were fearful that the sun eventually would not return.
In our personal lives, do we ever feel that the “setting sun” will not return; that our happiness and peace will never return; that we will live in “darkness” forever? Our internal fear is not unlike the external fear felt by our ancestors. As was true with our ancestors is also true for ourselves; the “sun” will rise once again! Our ancestors most assuredly assumed they had enticed the sun to return through their rituals and bonfires, although it was the working of nature that accomplished that goal. In our lives let us learn from our ancestors who didn’t wait for the eternal darkness, rather, they took action and did all they could to tackle their fear and reverse what they felt was inevitable.
1. When we feel an emotional fear, take some time to meditate, to reflect on your inner self. Try to find the source or reason for the fear.
2. Identify your fear. Honestly name it for what it is. Honestly think through what you feel is the worst possible outcome in your current situation.
3. Have you ever felt this fear before in your life? What was the outcome? What actions did you take at that time which helped ease the fear; what actions did you take which did not ease the fear or change the situation?
4. Learning from your personal history, and with the help of family and friends, what specific action(s) can you take to overcome this fear and possibly change the situation? Regardless of the immensity of your situation and how small you feel your actions are, take action anyway! Our ancestors feared that the sun, the powerful orb in the heavens which gave them light and heat, would disappear forever. What did they do? They lit bonfires. A small fire in comparison to the sun, but they took action nonetheless.
5. Never give up on hope! If you take action to make a difference there is a chance that action will work. Take no action and I will guarantee nothing will change.
Through mindful awareness, we can see the beauty and the hope of this season. The darkness is part of the beauty, if we view it as such.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
A Different Perspective on Addiction
{eds. note: This is a guest blog written by counselor Catherine McConnell. Click here for her website.}
Everyone knows that “drugs are bad, mmkay.” We’ve all heard it, “just say no,” “addiction is a disease,” and it has been glamorized for our entertainment in shows like “Intervention.” But what if it was more than that? What if I told you, that I can assist in treating addiction without EVER uttering a word about the drug?
I work with mandated Child Protective Services (CPS) cases and I see a lot of people who are forced to come to therapy. Some of them are ready to quit and some aren’t. Do you know what they all have in common? Pain. There is no addiction without pain. They come in expecting to be judged, to be told that drugs are bad and how they affect the body. They come in angry and looking for a fight. They want to tell me all the reasons they aren’t an awful human being (I agree with them there!). They’re often taken aback at my approach. I’m a little different. I listen… and then I ask “what are you running from?”
After getting over the initial shock of it all, they usually have the answer. They know EXACTLY what they’re running from, what sent them to addiction, and that it’s out of control. Many of them will tell me that they don’t even like getting high anymore but it’s what they know. They don’t need me to tell them what the drug does. They’ve heard it all and often know more than I do about it. They could teach me! Underneath the substance use are family patterns, abuse, others taking advantage of them, – pick a version. The universal human experience means pain to them. And then, they get stuck in addiction- More pain. So then, there’s a crossroads… which pain? An addict isn’t ready until the pain and consequences of addiction are worse than facing whatever demon has driven them mad.
I feel like we often treat addiction all wrong. We lecture. We intellectualize. I’m telling you: they knew drugs were bad when they picked them up. They didn’t mean to get here, but forgetting feels so good. To not be a victim for a moment, to not relive a happening, to not hear the abusive tapes of “you’re not good enough, you’ll never amount to anything, you’re nothing but a piece of trash addict” is so nice. To have peace, until the next fix. These souls are mistakenly chasing peace.
So, how do we help them? By giving them back their dignity. By understanding that they are a human in pain. By not lecturing, but listening. They don’t need our lectures and judgement they do that in spades themselves. By giving them the space to come in and saying “have a seat and stop running. Rest” we will reach them.
I am always honest. I say “this is going to hurt.” And you know what the response usually is? Not any more than what I’ve been through. And they’re right. They always tell me at the end how proud they are and that it wasn’t as awful as they thought it would be.
We’re doing it all wrong. There’s a place for lectures and accountability, but it needs to be balanced with humanity. If you really want to reach an addict, listen. Ask what they’re running from. They’ll tell you every time. It’s never about the drugs.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Tips For Helping Those Who Are Suffering During The Holidays
To quote a popular song of the season: “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” While this sentiment may be true for many of us, it is not necessarily the shared sentiment of everyone. As the end of the year mark’s a time for celebrations, holidays, and traditions which bring together families and spark feelings of joy, there are those whose memories and sentiments of this time of the year are quite different from customarily expected.
There are those who suffer from mental illness or whose memories of the holiday season are not of pleasant times. It is unfortunate that many of us forget that not everyone perceives this time of the year in the same way that we do. I’m not writing this to chastise anyone or to bring down the mood the season. What I am saying is that we need to be mindful of those around us who may be suffering while we celebrate.
Many of us feel the burden of unreasonable expectations for perfection this time of the year. While we still have our day-to-day tasks to do we must also decorate, buy gifts, and attend social functions. These expectations can cause stress and anxiety even in those who are enjoying this time of the year. Imagine the stress and anxiety felt by those who are simply trying to cope with life let alone the added expectation of the season.
What can we do to help?
- Create an awareness within yourself and teach your children to understand that not everyone feels joyous this time of the year. This awareness is not meant to place a burden on ourselves, rather as a recognition of the reality of others.
- Create an environment where people feel open to honestly share their feelings. At parties or gatherings encourage everyone to participate, while being respectful of those who are having a difficult time participating. Try to plan activities which would allow for a person to participate to the degree in which they feel comfortable.
- Be mindful that your expectations about what makes up a traditional celebration may not be the same expectations of others. Allow yourself the flexibility to be open to the traditions of others and to how others may be feeling. For example, if you are organising the family dinner, take into account any family members who have had a difficult year. Allow them the space or the time to speak if they wish. Be aware that their showing up may have been a difficult task in and of itself.
- If you know of someone who does suffer from a mental illness or is finding this time of the year to be emotionally difficult, be a supportive friend. Allow yourself to be present to them even if words aren’t spoken. Encourage them to join you at small gatherings and surround them with people who have their best interests at heart.
- Be supportive of those whom you know are suffering this time of the year by encouraging them to be selfish. Selfish in the sense that they need to do things to take care of themselves regardless of the expectations placed upon them. It doesn’t make you a bad person to prioritize yourself, it is actually essential to your well-being to do so.
- Take time from the busyness of this season to be an effective listener to those who are in need of sharing their feelings. Encouraging and allowing those who are suffering to share how they feel can be the most helpful thing you can do for them. Silence is not good for someone who is suffering emotionally this time of the year, even if they feel it is better for them not to speak. Lovingly encourage them to share by letting them know that you will listen without judgement regardless of what they share.
During this holiday season as we join together with our families and friends let us be grateful and joyous in our traditions and fellowship. But let us not forget those who are emotionally suffering at this time of the year. Being respectful, understanding, and lovingly present is the best holiday gift a person can receive.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Coping with the stress of the holidays
“All we have is the present moment. Focus on it; don’t miss an experience by living outside of the current moment.” – Chris Shea
This time of the year, between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, is expected to typically be a time of joy, family gatherings, and the celebration of traditions. This is a time of the year when I reflect upon my childhood memories; memories filled with awe and wonder as the world seemed to be magical. Unfortunately, this time of the year is also one of increased stress due to all the activities we feel we need to do. Our wish to make this time of the year “perfect” increases our expectations, many of them unreasonable, causing us to overwork in our planning efforts.
“Preparing Christmas” Norman Rockwell
As a child I fondly recall watching the animated Christmas specials and reading all the Christmas books I could find. All of those stories not only have a positive ending, most of them depict a time of perfection. In these stories families gather and get along with each other, the house is majestically decorated, the dining room table set to rival the fanciest restaurant. My favorite American painter, Norman Rockwell, painted scenes of American life; some showing pain and suffering, others idyllic life scenes. Rockwell’s holiday paintings are among my favorite as they depict a world I wish existed, although knowing that a perfect world doesn’t exist.
This longing of mine, like the desire and longing of many other people, is part of the cause of our stress during the holiday season. We tend to focus our attention on the remembrances of the past, coupled with fictional idealisms of the holiday, producing a desire to re-create what never was, nor most likely ever will be. The holidays, as we perceived them in childhood, cannot now be exactly reproduced through the perceptions of us as adults, nor can we expect to create an experience depicted in the controlled environment of scripts, actors, and a stage.
The issue that I encounter this time of the year is one of unrealistic expectations. Trying to re-create a “perfection” which cannot be created means that we will fall short in our attempt. If I fall short, then I must have failed. That is the perception of many people, propelling them forth to not “fail”, while “failing” is exactly what will happen when we pursue perfection.
We do have control over our feelings and our current moment. Let’s not lose the experience of what is currently happening by living in either the past or the future. Experience the present moment for what it is. As I recall my childhood memories of the holidays, I try to keep them focused in the experience of the moment. Don’t let an expectation of perfection cloud the beauty of the memory and of the feeling that memory is now producing in you. Enjoy the memory and the feeling without trying to do anything with or to it. It is. You are. Live the moment without expectation and you will find that the stress of perfection will fade.
This holiday season, here are the steps I am working on to keep myself as stress free as possible:
- Refocus expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations, considering what is realistic and what is not realistic. For example, we may want a house decorated as we’ve seen in advertisements, but, no matter how hard we try it never looks as it does in the picture. If you reframe your expectation and perception, you would recognize that you haven’t failed, actually you created something unique, something that reflects you, not an ad.
- Change our perception: Changing the way we perceive ourselves will change our perception of our world. Therefore, changing our view of this time of the year will change our expectations and so reduce our stress. For example, if you are hosting family, and the reality is that your uncle always makes a fool of himself at these family gatherings, keep your perspective focused on reality. Plan for what you can in expectation of your uncle’s shenanigans, for when your uncle acts as he always acts, don’t let it stress you; he is only doing as you expected him to do (and you previously planned for it). At least he’s consistent.
- Learn from your past: It’s important to spend time reflecting on our past, honoring the memories for what they are, and sharing them with current family and friends. Our past has shaped who we are today. Use the lessons of the past to create a present moment of peace. The purpose of the past is not to be recreated in the present, but to be incorporated with the present. Take what was positive for you in the past and use it in the present. What wasn’t positive for you in the past, modify now in the present to be more positive. Our past was not perfect; don’t expect the present or the future to be perfect either.
- Simplify your life: Easier said than done, I know. But if you think about it, our material goods, although useful, can be a source of our stress when our focus emphasizes our “things”. Living simply means keeping a proper focus, or perspective, on what is truly important in your life. Keep your expectations and perceptions rooted on who we are, not on who you think you should be.
During this holiday time of the year, take the time to enjoy the wonders, joy, and magic of the season. Keep your perspective and expectations reasonable to reduce your stress. Most importantly, focus on what is truly important to you!
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}