Posts Tagged ‘Chris Shea’
Merry Christmas! What Does Today Mean?
Christmas has arrived! That magical time of the year when all seems to be at peace; when nature seems still, wars have paused, enemies have celebrated together, kids believe in magic and the hope of treasure. A time when most of us recall how we spent the season as a child, longing once again for that simplicity of life. Amidst all the secular commercialization, this time of the year still seems to hold a special place in our heart and mind.
In a little town in Italy, named Greccio, in the year 1223, St. Francis of Assisi, led an evening prayer service for the townspeople. To make the event meaningful he decided to recreate, live, the nativity scene of the birth of Jesus. Prior to this event, the displaying of nativity scenes was unheard of. But for St. Francis, the importance of the nativity event was in his belief that it was a real event. Historically, in the town of Bethlehem, a child, later to be named Jesus by his parents, was born. Francis, believing that this child was the son of God born into our world, wanted the people of Greccio to fully understand that our God is approachable and humble for He was born as one of us. What better way to explain this concept than by reenacting the scene with real people! As a result, over a thousand years removed from the town of Greccio, people worldwide display Nativity scenes.
In my reflections I ask myself, “This Christmas how can I make real that which happened over 2,000 years ago”? Every year, since I was a child until now, I watch the classic show “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. The original version brings back so many fond memories, and now as an adult I continue to enjoy it for the meaning of the story. The Grinch couldn’t take away Christmas by taking away the people’s “stuff”. Christmas, for the Who’s in Whoville, meant a lot more than what they had or didn’t have. For them, Christmas was an internal experience of the heart. A deeper sense of what the season is all about.
What is Christmas all about? Is it the birth of a child, the son of God, into the world? And if so, what does that mean for me today? The humble birth of Jesus is a sign of the love God has for us, and that love needs to be put into action in the love we have for others. In order for us to fully love another we first need to love and respect ourselves. As God becomes one of us He shows us the importance of us as humans. If God respects us than we also need to respect ourselves We were worthy enough for our Lord to become one of us, it is important for us to feel that worthiness within ourselves. When we love ourselves we are more fully able to love those around us, and that outpouring of love makes “real” the presence of God in our lives.
So, what is this season all about? Loving ourselves and loving others so that the love of God may be present in our world. This is what St. Francis tried to show the people of Greccio. I hope Francis’ message continues today in the nativity scenes we have set up. This Christmas season find ways to make Jesus real in the lives of others. If we all did this, gave the present of love to another, just think of how different our world be. Each day is a new opportunity for us. Let’s take the magic of this season and make today a magical day of love.
I wish you and your loved ones a very merry, blessed and peace-filled Christmas!!
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How To Be Caring With People Not Feeling The Holiday Joy
I don’t think there is any other time of the year which evokes such strong emotions as does this time of the year. For some of us we are excited, joyous, filled with wonder and anticipation! We visit family and friends, host parties and gatherings, spreading joy everywhere we go! But yet there are some of us who feel quite the opposite this time of the year. I think of those who recently lost a loved one, suffering from physical or mental health issues, separated from loved ones, and even estranged from family. There are those who past experience of the holidays wasn’t pleasant, and those who feel trapped in life situations.
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” While these song lyrics may be true for some, they’re not necessarily true for everyone. I’m not writing this to bring down the mood, for what I am saying is that we need to be mindful of people around us who may be suffering while we celebrate. Not all of my past holidays have been joyous, and I’m sure neither have yours. Some of my current clients are dreading these next few weeks, while other clients are looking forward to a new beginning!
Regardless of how we may feel about the holidays themselves, this time of the year finds many of us feeling the burden for perfection. As joyous as we may be, the expectations for a “Rockwell Christmas” haunt the best of us. While we still have our day-to-day tasks to complete we must also decorate, buy gifts, and attend social functions. These expectations, especially if we feel obligated, can cause stress and anxiety even in those who enjoy this time of the year. Now imagine the stress and anxiety felt by those who are simply trying to cope with life let alone the added expectation of the season.
This time of the year we tend to focus more of our attention on helping others and on giving back. Therefore, what can we do to either help or give to someone who is suffering during this holiday season?
- Create an awareness within yourself and your children that not everyone feels joyous this time of the year. This awareness is not meant to place a burden on us, but as a recognition for the reality of others.
- Create an environment where all people feel open to honestly share their feelings. While attending or planning parties and gatherings don’t simply encourage everyone to participate, be respectful of those who are having a difficult time participating. Try to plan activities which would allow for a person to participate to the degree in which they feel comfortable.
- Be mindful that your expectations of what makes up a holiday celebration may not be the expectations of others. Allow yourself the flexibility to be open to the traditions of others as well as to how others may be feeling. For example, if you are organising the family dinner, take into account any family members who have had a difficult year. Allow them the space or the time to speak, or not speak, if they wish. Be aware that their showing up may have been a difficult task in and of itself.
- If you know someone struggling to cope with a mental illness, or emotionally struggling, be a supportive friend. Allow time in your holiday schedule to be present to them even if words aren’t spoken. Never underestimate the positive effect and healing quality of presence. If possible and appropriate, encourage them to join you at small gatherings and surround them with people who have their best interest at heart. Isolation, especially during the holidays, is not healthy.
- Encourage them to do activities focused on taking care of themselves and their emotional health, regardless of the expectations placed upon them by self or others. Help them to understand that It doesn’t make you a selfish person when you prioritize yourself, it is actually essential toward your well-being.
- Take time from the busyness of this season to be an effective listener to those who wish to share their feelings. Encouraging and allowing others to share how they feel may be the most helpful thing you can do for them. Silence, especially for someone who is suffering emotionally, is not healthy this time of the year. If they are reluctant to share, lovingly encourage them by letting them know that you will listen without judgement regardless of what they wish to talk about and share.
During this holiday season, as many of us join together with our families and friends, let’s be grateful and joyous in our traditions and fellowship. But let’s not forget those who are emotionally suffering at this time of the year. Being respectful, understanding, and lovingly present is the best holiday gift a person can receive.
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Finding True Gratitude Through Mindfulness And Action
For as long as I can remember, November is a special month for me. Why? Well, autumn is in full swing and the holiday season is just around the corner! November is also a special month for me since it’s a time which inspires gratitude. During this month many of us take time from our busy lives to reflect on what, and whom, we are grateful.
The dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful”. We recognize that in our lives there are things for which we are grateful, regardless of our life’s’ circumstance. If we look hard enough, we will find something, at least that’s what I’ve been told. A platitude to be sure, although in this platitude we find wisdom. Namely, if my perspective and goal is to find something for which to be thankful, I will find it. The opposite is true; the more I focus my perspective on the negatives in life the greater the belief that my life is completely negative.
Simply being thankful, or grateful, for the sake of being grateful, is not always altruistic. Can our sense of gratitude also be self-serving? Might it be a mask for our own narcissistic consumerism? Think of what you are grateful for, noting how many items are materialistic goods versus people or talents. A review of social media postings on gratitude overemphasize goods, money, prestige, etc. Isn’t it possible that our gratitude could reinforce our desire for what we think brings happiness? Have you noticed the irony, that the very next day (or even that same evening) after we celebrate being thankful, we celebrate shopping, materialism, greed, and rudeness! Gratitude alone, as the end goal, leads to self-centeredness.
Am I saying we shouldn’t be grateful? Not at all! Gratitude, when mixed with mindfulness and a healthy intention, leads us to a sense of inner peace. If my intention is to be grateful because it looks good, is what everyone else is doing on social media, it will show people all that I have, etc, then I become self-centered. Yet, if my intention is to be grateful for the sake of being thankful with a readiness to show appreciation, then I will find my inner peace and happiness. Why? Because being grateful is not the end goal, rather, gratitude is the beginning of the process of giving back.
The dictionary further defines gratitude as a “readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”. The key of this definition is the phrase “…and to return kindness”. The intention and end goal is no longer self, but the action of giving back to others that which we have received. As we think of others and their needs our gratitude shifts from what we have to what we can give to others.
Mindfulness is commonly defined as “a means of paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” The practice of mindfulness coupled with an attitude of gratitude focus us on the present with an appreciation for what we have now, rather than wanting more and more. Maintaining a focus on an appreciation in the present moment protects us from the evils of greed which will turn us away from our inner peace. Gratitude for what we have at this moment, mixed with a desire to return kindness to others, is a healthy sense of gratitude creating in us a deeper sense of self and peace.
True gratitude practiced mindfully reveals a connectedness. Being thankful connects us to those who have given us the reason to be thankful while at the same time inspiring us to be gift-givers. In this sense our well-being and the well-being of others are connected. We begin to understand more fully how social connections impact us. Spreading gratitude to others creates gratitude in the other. The cycle is repeated when that person in turn spreads their newfound gratitude on to others. Gratitude, as with hate, spreads rapidly throughout societies. If we examine that first Thanksgiving in colonial America we discover that the gratitude and thankfulness celebrated was not in the food shared, but in the connectedness of the people present.
Therefore, our challenge is to mindfully reflect on what it is that makes us grateful. In so doing let us not fail to recognize the people outside of ourselves. Acknowledging gratitude for our material goods and the gifts that we have is not sufficient. We need to also acknowledge gratitude for the people whom we know, and those unknown to us, who enable us to have and to be who we are at this the present moment.
During this holiday season, as you gather with family and friends, acknowledge, in gratitude, those family members who have made it possible for you to be the person you are. For better or for worse we are the products of our history embedded within a society and a family who have made possible our lifestyle. By reflecting in this way we remain outside of ourselves while embracing our connectedness. When our thankfulness becomes compassion and compassion leads to action, then true gratitude is realized.
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How To Find Your Inner Peace
As a counselor and a life coach, it is unfortunate that I wasn’t provided any formal education to prepare me to use mindfulness. But, after becoming personally aware of mindfulness and how it led me to find my inner peace, I made it my mission to teach people how to find your inner peace.
Historically, the arrival of mindfulness to the US is attributed to Jon Kabat-Zinn. Kabat-Zinn is Professor of Medicine Emeritus and creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. Kabat-Zinn was first introduced to the philosophy of Buddhism while he was a student at MIT. Later, in 1979, he founded the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, where he adapted Buddhist teachings on mindfulness and developed the Stress Reduction and Relaxation Program. He later renamed the program “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction” (MBSR), removing the Buddhist framework and eventually downplayed any connection between mindfulness and Buddhism, instead putting MBSR in a scientific context. To this day Kabat-Zinn downplays the connection of mindfulness to Buddhism, yet I feel his downplaying of Buddhism is a means of bringing mindfulness into the mainstream; which is occurring.
In 2013 Kabat-Zinn describes mindfulness as “a means of paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”
How does the study of mindfulness translate into a daily practice to find your inner peace? A bit over 5 years ago I made a significant job change which “forced” me, as a type A person, to slow down. At the time I wasn’t yet consciously aware that I was beginning to live mindfully. As I slowed myself internally and externally, I focused my thoughts and attention to the present moment. No longer was I dwelling on my past nor anxious about my future. This was quite the change for me as I used to be the king of anxiety and worry!
It was during this time I’m my life when I discovered Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness I mentioned above: “a means of paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” Personally, the two key phrases in this definition are important to me are “on purpose” and “nonjudgmentally”. To find your inner-peace we need to consciously make the choice to spend time every day focusing our attention on what is happening around and within us. Our focus is not meant to judge what is happening, just to notice it, to experience it. As we become aware of our surroundings and inner self, we become aware of life’s joys, sorrows, difficulties, potential, and hope. In this state of focused awareness we are enabled to discover solutions.
The goal of mindfulness is for us to slow down enough to fully experience life. Mindfulness is not a means to avoid negative aspects of life, but to fully live those experiences so as to learn how to cope with them in a healthy way. Many of us try to avoid negativity at all costs, only to discover that we may be successful at avoidance for a time, but eventually we are hit once again with that which we were trying to avoid. Mindfulness asks us to be aware of all of our emotions, to feel everything, even the negativity. In so doing, we end up coping with all that life gives us, the positives and the negatives. Realizing that we can cope with life, without needing to avoid life, teaches us necessary skills for dealing with future events we will encounter.
Living mindfully is a daily practice of noticing the little things. For example, one eats mindfully by doing so intentionally, savoring each bite rather than rushing through a meal without truly tasting or appreciating the event. During your commute, or rushing from one task to another, we can mindfully (intentionally) notice the details of the flora, buildings, people, cracks in the sidewalk, etc. instead of missing those aspects of our lives.
How can mindfulness lead you to finding your inner peace? The short answer: mindfulness guides us to live in the moment, for it is only in the moment where we have “control” in our lives. By control, I mean our ability to change our thoughts and perceptions. If I allow my thoughts to remain in either the past or the future, I suffer from stress and anxiety since I have no control over those time periods. All that I can do with the past is learn it’s lessons; in the future, all I can do is prepare, yet, in the present moment I am capable of making changes to my thoughts and feelings as I feel them. Therefore, keeping my thoughts focused on the present moment allows me to feel and experience life to its fullest, while choosing the thoughts I wish to think.
Mindfulness has not only been effective for centuries, it is now proven through scientific research as a means of guiding us to finding your inner peace. I’m not just a counselor teaching mindfulness; I’m also a practitioner of mindfulness who, in the moment, has found my inner peace.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
6 Tips For Practicing Mindfulness When Upset
In an instant life can become hectic and chaotic. Just when we think we have life all figured out, and our path forward appears to be straight; adversity happens! All the talk of mindfulness, living in the moment, and meditation seem to fall short in light of the adversity and chaotic realities of life.
Platitudes are not my message. My life has had its share of ups and downs so I will not trivialize the impact adversity plays on a person’s thoughts and feelings. My message relies on my own experience of mindfulness and it’s ability to lead us to finding and living with inner peace, regardless of what life may throw at us.
Mindfulness is a word I often use in my writings and in my life coaching sessions with my clients. One of the pioneers in the mindfulness movement, Jon Kabat-Zinn, defines mindfulness as: “a means of paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”
The two phrases in this definition which I focus on are “on purpose” and “nonjudgmentally”. To find and maintain inner peace we need to consciously make the choice to spend time every day focusing our attention on what is happening around and within us. Our focus is not meant to judge what is happening, but to notice it. As we become aware of our surroundings and our inner self, we become aware of life’s joys and potential, along with life’s sorrows and adversities. In this state of focused awareness, we are enabled to see solutions; to see hope.
Although it’s important to learn mindfulness before life throws its adversities upon you, mindfulness is not a practice which avoids or negates the negatives in life. We need mindfulness regardless of how we are feeling about ourselves and our situations. In fact, I would say that we need mindfulness even moreso during times of difficulties in our life.
Western society tends to devalue pain and suffering leaving us with the false sense that we can avoid all pain and suffering in life. Speaking from my own experience, and I’m sure you can relate, I have yet to find a way of living life which avoids all pain and suffering. Therefore, society provides us with a false hope, and increases our stress and anxiety when we fail to achieve a life without pain or suffering. The Buddha, in laying out the Four Noble Truths indicated that the principle cause of suffering is desire. In this case, the desire is to avoid all pain and suffering.
Mindfulness is a practice which teaches us how to live and cope with the joys, pains, and suffering we endure. We do not negate anything in life, rather we non-judgmentally accept what is happening and learn the best ways of coping.
Here are my six tips for practicing mindfulness when upset:
- Acknowledge that the emotion you are feeling exists. We do not want to ignore or deny any of our feelings and emotions. What we feel is what we feel. Spend time in quiet simply acknowledging what you are feeling and sit with that feeling. We do not judge the feeling as either good or bad, we simply acknowledge and name what we are feeling.
- The next step is similar to the first step of acknowledgement. In the second step we accept what we are feeling. We do not beat ourselves up that we are feeling this way, nor do we attempt to change how we are feeling. We accept that what we are feeling is our reality. A phrase which needs to be removed from our mind and speech is “ I shouldn’t feel this way.” This phrase creates anxiety since we are scolding ourselves for the reality in which we find ourselves. Who are we to say what we should or shouldn’t be feeling when the reality is we are feeling it! Right or wrong is not the issue, what is happening in the moment is what’s important. Accept how you feel in the moment and understand that this feeling is a part of you. For example, if you were feeling extremely joyful would you question that you shouldn’t be feeling that way? Of course not! So why do we judge any other feeling besides those which we say are positive?
- Once we acknowledge and accept the feelings as they are, we move to the next step of understanding that emotions are fleeting. Emotions come and go, sometimes quickly sometimes slowly, but feelings do not last forever. Therefore, experience your feelings in all of their intensity recognizing that you will never again feel this exact same way. Feelings, in their exactness, cannot be felt again. Sit long enough with your feelings and you may find that they pass during your sitting. When I worked with people struggling from cravings while trying to live in recovery from their addiction, I would ask them to sit and either look at a stopwatch as the time passed, reminding themselves that they are still in recovery, or I would refocus their attention to anything other than the craving. As a behaviorist I understand that most cravings, and even feelings, when not encouraged only last about 15 or 20 minutes.
- Investigate, within yourself, where these emotions and feelings originate. We don’t ask “why” we are feeling these emotions for the answer only leads down the path of judgement. Understanding where the feelings are coming from begins the process of learning what we are to do with the emotions. It’s not a matter of understanding why, but of understanding “what”. The answer to “what” enables us to learn and grow whereas the why simply gives us information which may or may not be helpful to our taking action. Mindfulness and meditation is not just an intellectual act, it’s a process which enables us to learn about ourselves and how we can act in a way that maintains our inner peace.
- As we examine our emotions avoid the urge to catastrophize the possible outcomes. Our mind is an imaginative storyteller, yet these stories tend to make the situations worse than reality. it’s important for us to keep focused on realistic outcomes for the future rather than imagining outcomes way worse than might be possible. A technique you can use is to ask yourself the question “what is the worst that can happen?” Then ask yourself the question “if the worst does happen what can I do about it?” Consider all the possible actions that you, and with the assistance from others, can do to cope with even the worst case scenario. Understanding that the worst case scenario is probably not going to happen, if you have a plan for the worst case then when reality happens and it’s not as bad as what you imagined you will find peace in knowing that you can cope with the situation.
- The last tip for practicing mindfulness when upset is to learn from the situation. After following steps 1 through 5 you now have the ability to step back from the situation and reflect on what you have learned from what has happened. Learn from the actions that you took which worked and learn from the actions which you took that didn’t work. Learning where our emotions originate and how best to cope with those emotions gives us the power to tackle the same situations in similar ways. Future adversity will no longer be a stressor for us since we have learned that we not only can survive the adversity but what we also can do to minimize future adversity.
Practicing mindfulness when upset empowers us to act and to cope with situations which we may feel we are unable to handle. Mindfulness does not take away negativity in our lives, rather mindfulness teaches us the power that we have within to handle and survive whatever life may throw at us.
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5 Tips on How Mindfulness Will Change Your Life
“Hey, did you see that?”
“No, I missed it. What was it?”
Does this conversation sound familiar? It sure does to me. My days were so busy and hectic that I had no time to care to notice something other than the task hand. At the end of each day I wondered where the day went! I had always lived that way, until recently.
A few years ago I changed jobs to one which allowed me to have the summer off. After 20 years of working year round, having a few months off was strange, and even unsettling. After a week without I had no idea what to do with myself. I was ”forced” to slow down. It wasn’t comfortable at first, but over time I started to discover that I was physically, mentally, and spiritually slowing down. As I was slowing down I found myself feeling more peaceful. As the summer progressed I no longer was anxious, I didn’t rush, and I began to notice the world around me.
I wasn’t yet consciously aware of this, but I was beginning to live mindfully. As I slowed myself I focused my thoughts and attention to the present moment. No longer was I dwelling on my past nor anxious about the future. Wow! What a change for me as previously I was the king of anxiety and worry!
Mindfulness is commonly defined as: “a means of paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” (Jon Kabat-Zinn) Personally, the two key phrases in this definition which I feel are important are “on purpose” and “nonjudgmentally”. To find our inner-peace we need to consciously make the choice to spend time every day focusing our attention on what is happening around us and within us. Our focus is not meant to judge what is happening, just to notice it, to experience it. As we become aware of our surroundings and inner self, we become aware of life’s joys and potential. In this state of focused awareness, we are enabled to see solutions; to see hope.
The goal of mindfulness is for us to slow down enough to fully experience life. Mindfulness is not a means to avoid negative aspects of life, but to fully live those experiences to learn how to cope with them in a healthy way. Many of us try to avoid negativity, yet discover that we may be successful at avoidance for a time, yet once again we are hit with that which we were avoiding. Mindfulness asks us to be aware of all of our emotions, to feel everything, even the negativity. In so doing, we end up coping with what we at first wanted to avoid. Coping teaches us skills for dealing with future negativity in our lives.
Living mindfully is a daily practice of noticing the little things. For example, one can eat mindfully by doing so intentionally, savoring each bite, and not rushing through a meal without truly tasting the food. During your commute, or rushing from one task to another, one can mindfully (intentionally) notice the details of the flora, buildings, people, cracks in the sidewalk, etc.
How does mindfulness lead us to feeling peaceful? The short answer: mindfulness guides us to live in the moment, for it is only in the moment where we have “control” in our lives. By control, I mean our ability to change our thoughts and perceptions. If I allow my thoughts to stay in either the past or the future, I will suffer from stress and anxiety since I have no control over those time periods. All that I can do with the past is to learn lessons; in the future, all I can do is prepare, in the moment, for the unknown which has yet to happen. Therefore, keeping my thoughts focused on the present moment allows me to feel life to its fullest, while choosing the thoughts I wish to think.
A bit over 5 years later I now find myself living in a sense of peace. Does this mean that my life is now perfect? Not at all! What it does mean is that through mindfulness I learned a new set of coping skills. This is what I’ve learned since that summer:
- Spend time each day in meditation, whether it be in stillness or walking. Just 10-20 minutes a day will calm and center you.
- Each time my thoughts venture to either the past or the future, I consciously change my thoughts to the present moment.
- Spend time noticing the little things in life. Observe your surroundings, your feelings and your thoughts.
- If you notice that you don’t like how you feel, our you are not feeling at peace, change your perspective and redo numbers 1-3 above.
- Always believe in hope, even if you don’t feel hopeful at the moment. Hope and change is possible even without my belief in it.
Inner-peace is attainable if we take the time to focus our thoughts on the present moment. It takes practice; I’m still working on it. But if you have the desire to incorporate mindfulness into your daily practice, follow this maxim: “Progress, not perfection.” (Eds. Note: This article was originally published at Your Tango. Reprinted with permission from the author.)
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Rest Stop (Tues) … Tips for sleeping soundly
Based on my experience, there are two main reasons we have trouble sleeping: either because you are excited about something upcoming, or you are anxious about something upcoming. I can still vividly remember that night before we as a family were leaving for Washington, DC for the first time. I was a child then, and the thought of travelling all the way to where the president lives was almost overwhelming for me. I tossed and turned in bed; walked around my room, looked out my window into the dark, and before I knew it, I looked out my window to see the sun rising above the horizon. I finally fell asleep in the car during the over 8 hour drive to DC.
Personally, I suffered for many years on Sunday nights trying to get some sleep. I dreaded Sunday nights because as soon as I would lie down in bed for the night the worries and stress of the upcoming week flooded into my thoughts. I had not yet found the peace of living mindfully, and so I allowed the thoughts of the future to take over, believing the worst of what could happen come Monday morning at work. Note that I wasn’t worried about what was going to happen, but what I imagined would happen. These thoughts brought with them a sense of a loss of control as they are future thoughts, not present thoughts. Therefore, I would be tossing and turning, worrying about what had to be done, what I didn’t do, what I forgot to do; but most importantly, what I didn’t know I didn’t know.
In the last few years, as I’ve been working on living mindfully and in the present, I have learned some things which have helped me to no longer dread Sunday nights. I don’t have a nighttime ritual so to speak, but I have figured out a few things that have helped me to sleep peacefully, especially Sunday night.
Here are the tips I use:
- Prior to going to bed, make a list of the projects and tasks you need to do the next day. Make sure the list is no longer than 4 items and that each item is doable in the course of the day.
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Make a separate list of the things you will not have time to do the next day. Next to each item place a date when you will work on them.
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Write down a specific time during the next day when you will spend at least 10 minutes in quiet reflection/meditation. It could be a time for a walk or sitting in quiet. The time needs to be undisturbed and respected by you as important and necessary.
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When you do lay down to sleep, keep your room quiet and as dark as possible. Using white noise (there are many free and paid apps, message me for the ones I use) is helpful. Keeping the TV on or your phone’s screen on inhibit our ability to sleep soundly.
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Lay down in a comfortable position, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and focus on your breathing. Don’t try to control your breathing, just focus on your breathing. Note the breaths you take in, and the breaths you exhale.
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If intrusive thoughts enter your mind, remind yourself of your lists, telling yourself that you have taken care of tomorrow and that your present task is to sleep.
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Return your thoughts to focus on your breathing.
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Personally, when I lay in bed to sleep for the night, I start off by laying on my back with my left hand placed gently over my heart, and my right hand placed gently over my stomach, feeling my breaths and heartbeats.
These tips work for me. Take time to find what works for you, and when you find it, stick with it. Over time, with consistency, you will find yourself sleeping quickly and soundly.
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Rest Stop (Wed) … podcast listeners take note
Many readers of this blog access the content through sources other than the Lifesjourney website, so I thought I would point out to my readers that I also record a podcast called “On Finding Peace”.
“Life is sometimes difficult, but even so, it is always possible to find inner-peace. I talk about topics of daily life which cause us stress and anxiety, guiding us on how to change our perspective and to learn how to live in the moment.” -Chris Shea, host of “On Finding Peace”
I am open to topic suggestions, share your suggestions through comments made on this post, or Lifesjourney’s social media. The podcasts are typically 15 minutes in length; long enough to make a point, but short enough to listen in one sitting. Here are the places to find my episodes: 
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Ms. Amanda LePore
The voice of “Lifesjourney” & of “On Finding Peace” is Ms. Amanda LePore. Check out her work by clicking her photo
Rest Stop (Thurs) … The 4 Tips on How to Feel Successful
I use the above quote with my college students trying to challenge them to look at life, from a different perspective. In challenging our perspectives, and even our definitions, I am not merely playing semantics as I firmly believe that words actually do hold meaning. If you aren’t sure about the validity of that statement, think of the last time someone’s words either caused you joy or caused you pain. Words do have the power to affect our emotions, therefore, by challenging ourselves to look at our own definitions from a new perspective can change how we feel.
How I define success, or how success is defined for me, influences how I feel about myself. Many of us have culturally learned that success is defined by tangible goods and/or wealth. We hear expressions such as “If I have more things than someone else, I am successful”; or, “if I have a title or initials after my name, I am successful”. These cultural statements aside, I hope that people who have worked hard to accomplish what they feel is a level of success take pride in themselves. Yet, the question remains, does someone else’s level of success negate, or take away from, my perceived level of success? In other words, is one’s success defined in relation to another’s accomplishments?
For example, a person who works hard and deservedly obtains the position of CEO is perceived as reaching success in life. While another person who works hard, and is known to be the best plumber in town, although an employee of the company, not owner or partner, would we agree that that person also has attained success? What about the trash collector who strives to be the best collector there is; have they attained success? If we will agree that the people in these examples have attained success, would we also agree that each of them is as successful?
So why is it that many of us, although accomplished in what we do, continue to feel less successful than the person holding a higher position or making more money? I believe that one answer is due to our drive to challenge ourselves and to strive for excellence. These motives and qualities are positive, yet at the same time, they also perpetuate a self-told narrative that others are always better than I. Does this mean we shouldn’t strive for betterment? Of course we should strive to better ourselves, but not at the cost of sacrificing our core being or inner peace.
A quote attributed to the Catholic priest Fr. Joseph Martin (co-founder of Father Martin’s Ashley, now named Ashley Addiction Treatment) states “the good is the enemy of the best “. Striving to grow, mature and gain wisdom leads us to feelings of accomplishment and possibly even success. But that depends on our definition of success; ah I have just taken us back to the beginning of this article, yet not any closer to an answer than when you started reading.
Is there a definitive definition of success? Can we objectively apply one definition to everyone, or are we left with a subjective understanding of the concept of success? Personally, I believe it’s the latter. If the definition is subjective, then how I define success for my life is based partly on my perspective about my life.
Making this perspective shift requires us to look within ourselves to examine our motives for wanting to better ourselves and attain success. As mentioned above, the desire toward betterment is a positive notion and goal, yet it depends on my motivation. We need to ask ourselves “Why do I desire to be better?” Why do I strive for success, and how will I know success when I achieve it?” If my motivation toward betterment and success is based solely on the belief of “beating everyone else”, then I may be willing to compromise my core being and values to achieve that height of success, or else I may view myself as a failure. In this scenario, one’s success comes at a price. The idea of seeking betterment is not the issue; the motivation guiding you is what, in the end, causes one to gain everything, yet continue to feel empty and restless.
How can I change my motivation and perspective about success so that I may attain the best I can be and feel inner peace?
- Meditate: Take time each day, even just 10 or 20 minutes, and meditate. Either find a quiet location, or take a walk; whichever helps you best to focus. Now, focus on your breathing, not trying to control your breaths, just noticing them. Be aware of the air entering and the air leaving. Be aware of what you are feeling. Don’t judge the feeling, just notice it. Practice this daily and over time you notice that not only is the act of meditating becoming easier, but you yourself are feeling more at peace.
- Examine: Take time to reflect on what success means to you. Don’t judge your definition, simply define it. How does the definition make you feel? Does your definition match your core self and values? If not, ask yourself what you will need to change so as to create a match? Keep in mind that sacrificing who you are for temporal gain will not, in the long term, bring you to a state of inner peace.
- Confer: Take time to meet with family or close friends whom you trust to discuss your thoughts and feelings from numbers 1 and 2 above. Listen, without judgement, to their opinion. The next time you meditate, reflect on the feedback and your feelings concerning what you heard.
- Act: A saying I often repeat is “there are no problems, only solutions”. I don’t know who first said it, but it’s meaning motivates me to reframe my thinking and change my perspective from “problem-oriented” to “solution-oriented”. Creating a deep belief that solutions are possible, we will reach for success while maintaining a sense of inner peace.
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Rest Stop (Sunday) … an example of living mindfulness
I often talk about mindful living, yet I recognize the difficulty in fully understanding not only what it means, but also how it “looks”. When I first saw this video on social media I immediately said to myself “this is what mindfulness is all about!”
After watching this video reflect back on your experience, noticing your thoughts at time (past, present, or future), and recall your emotions while watching the video. Although not created for this purpose, this video draws us to focus on the present and stay there. Living in the present moment is the point of mindfulness and mindful meditation. [facebook url=”https://www.facebook.com/1731212513792521/videos/1741001856146920/” /]
Share with us your experience.
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