Posts Tagged ‘cope with change’
How To Effectively Accomplish Change During Autumn And Absolutely Reduce Stress
Trying to accomplish change and reduce stress seems impossible. Change itself brings on stress, so how can change minimize stress? I thought that, too, until I started practicing mindfulness in the Autumn of 2012. Let me explain.
Let’s go back to the 1980s when I snapped this picture while living in an unassuming community in western Massachusetts. It was Autumn, and I was taking a hike when I came across this view. Many people I know will more often than not get energized, liven up, plan for, and are empowered as Spring moves into Summer. Not that I could do without Summer; however, as far as I’m concerned, I react similarly at the start of Autumn. Autumn is by a wide margin my most loved season (with Winter a nearby second).
For as long as I can recall, I have delighted in Autumn. Experiencing childhood in the northern regions of the USA, I’m used to the colder seasons. Of the relative multitude of seasons, this one is mainly centered around family, traditions, and spiritual rituals. During this season, there are social occasions, gatherings, and the start of school. Halloween and Thanksgiving are close, with Christmas not excessively far away. The cooler weather conditions move us nearer together as we gather inside.
Trying to effectively accomplish change during this season of life is challenging for some. I’ve written many articles on stress and depression during this time of the year. Attempting to reduce stress as the holiday season approaches is difficult for some. For some, this is a time of devastation, with the vegetation ceasing to exist and the daylight more limited. Yet, as we focus on the moment, we can also experience a lot of variety by hearing the leaves crinkle underneath our feet and smelling the cornucopia of fragrances attacking our noses.
Autumn might be a period of rot; however, in the progress of time, we are given a most tremendous and lovely gift; the empowerment of progress. It is, ideally, a gift to rouse us. For my purposes, I see excellence before I see the rot and devastation. There is likewise a wonder in the acknowledgment that after this season of devastation will come a time of resurrection and new development in the blossoming of Spring. Autumn isn’t the end, just the start.
Autumn addresses change as it changes itself. During the time spent transforming, we feel the aggravation before the delight. In our personal lives, we may now encounter and feel rot and destruction as our stress levels rise. Yet our experiences are a piece of the circle of life.
Just as the trees will replicate their leaves and the fallen leaves will give nutrient empowerment to the ground, we will encounter new development of plants and flowers in the Spring. Autumn shows us that through the dark times of life, we will come out with reduced stress as change shows us the possibility of a new and incredible period of life.
Change is rarely straightforward, but it is essential to recollect that change, albeit unique, doesn’t need to be negative. The situations changing our life might be complicated; however, assuming we focus on the outcome, we will see that the difficulties of change and stress will bring us to our goal. As the leaves fall, we are guaranteed there will be Spring followed by Summer.
The pattern of life reflects the patterns of our lives.
The following are a couple of ideas I have thought of to help us progress through our Autumn to accomplish change and reduce stress:
1. Review the recollections of this past Summer. Value your encounters from the past season.
2. Recognize, don’t attempt to stow away, the past with its joys, damages, and assumptions.
3. Being grateful for all we have.
4. Prepare for and act upon what you have some control over, and set aside those areas of life you cannot control.
5. Experience this time of Autumn through the eyes of a child.
In every moment, stay focused on the details of your surroundings, taking in both the positive and negative aspects. Change what you can; ignore the rest. In time, the Springtime of your life will blossom.
{loadmoduleid 140}
Successfully Coping With Adversity
In today’s day and age, who hasn’t been affected by adversity of some sort? It is the rare yet fortunate person who lives life unaffected by any pain or suffering. Living life means we take chances and place our trust and faith in other people and society. This trust in others can be betrayed while some of the chances we take don’t work out the way we hoped or wanted. This is why we suffer from adversity.
I reviewed various dictionaries for the definition of adversity and found “misfortune” and “a difficult or unpleasant situation”. I feel that it’s important for us to keep in mind that some adversity happens to us, while some adversity may be caused by us. Nonetheless, I firmly believe that it is not the adversity which defines us, rather, it’s our way of dealing with the adversity which is most important. The question is not “how do I avoid adversity?” The question is “How best can I cope with my adversity?” We can’t escape adversity, but how we respond to the adversity will determine whether or not we are happy and at peace, or miserable and in turmoil.
The first step in learning to cope is in learning to change our perspective. Our perspective about ourselves and the world around us is our reality. I will spare us a philosophical discussion on reality, except to say that reality is based on our perception of our world. Think about it: if I don’t feel positive about myself, then my view of my world will not be positive. How can it be? If I’m miserable I won’t appreciate the positive and beautiful aspects of our world.
When adversity enters our world, our perceptions of the adversity, our world, our family, and oneself will determine how we cope with the adversity. It’s important for us to recognize our perceptions and work on changing our negative views and thoughts. I’m not saying we are to deny or avoid the negatives in life; they are real and a part of who we are. What I am saying is that dwelling on the positives in life will influence our perceptions. A favorite quote of mine is “there are no problems, only solutions.” (John Lennon) I agree with the sentiment. If we focus on “solution-thought” there are no problems only the solutions; that on which we focus our attention is our reality.
I encourage you to spend time each day practicing changing your thoughts to focus on the positive and on solutions. Don’t deny the negative, but re-think the situation.
The next step in coping with adversity is in training our thoughts to focus on the positives in life. As previously mentioned, our perception is our reality, and our reality influences our thoughts (and vice versa). So, changing our thoughts will change our reality and our feelings. We don’t ignore or hide the negatives in life, but what is it that becomes our main focus; the negatives or the positives? In the latter, we still acknowledge the negative, but we focus on what we can do, on the solutions needed; not on what we can’t do or change.
As we reflect on life we notice that most days there are positives and negatives at the same time. We become anxious or overwhelmed as we focus on future problems or negatives because we can’t control the future. The same is true for our regrets of the past. We can’t control our past so we feel anxious about the past. Focusing our thoughts on the future and on the past cause our adversity to feel more intense since we are focusing our energies on negatives and things we can’t control.
So, focusing our energies on the positives, and on the present moment, will help us to to feel less intense about our adversity. The key, as I see it, is control. That which I have control over won’t bother me nearly as much as that which I don’t have control over.
The next step in coping with adversity is in understanding that we are not victims of the adversity. Victimhood, the feeling that my life is out of my control, causes us to fall into a sense of helplessness. If you convince yourself that “the world is out to get me”, or that the situation is forced upon you, you then convince yourself there is nothing you can do about it.
Once you feel out of control with no options for action, the adversity takes over. But this does not need to happen! This is the reason I have been talking about changing perspective and changing our focus to the positives. Here’s the key in one easy phrase WE HAVE CONTROL OVER OUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS!
When you agree to that statement, that you have control over your thoughts and feelings, then you admit that you have control! Since you have control you are no longer helpless nor a victim! We may, in reality, have no control over situations we find ourselves in, but we do have control, always, in how we respond to situations. How I perceive the situation and what action I take influences how healthy I am coping.
We can’t avoid adversity, don’t make that your goal. The goal is in how well I can keep control of my thoughts and feelings. Before adversity happens, practice this. Take time daily to refocus your thoughts to the positives and to solutions. The more often you do this the easier the task becomes. And when adversity happens, do the same thing; refocus your thoughts on positives and solutions. As I quoted earlier “there are no problems, only solutions”.
I admit that this is not always an easy task, and yes, we will fail at it from time to time. Be easy on yourself when you do. Then get up, refocus on the positives, and find solutions which will help the situation. Remember, we can’t always change the situation itself, but you can always change how we respond to the situation.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
autumn: learning from change
Fall scene in MA (credit: Blog author)
Way back in the 1980’s I took this photo while I lived in a small town in western Massachusetts. Most people I know tend to get excited, perk up, prepare for, and are encouraged as Spring moves into Summer. Not that I don’t like Summer, but for me, I do the same preparations for the beginning of Autumn. I must say, Autumn is by far my most favorite season (with Winter a close second). And now here we are, the first day of Autumn (officially starting at 10:21 am EDT)!
As far back as I can remember I have enjoyed Autumn. Growing up in the northern reaches of the US I am used to the colder seasons, probably part of the reason for my enjoyment of Autumn. Of all the seasons I find this one to be especially focused on family and God. During this season there are holidays, gatherings and the beginning of school. Halloween and Thanksgiving are near with Christmas not too far away. The cooler weather draws us closer together as we huddle indoors, and as we do so I hope we recognize the presence of God in our lives and those of our loved-ones.
For many, this is a season of desolation with the greenery dying off and the days shorter. But, as we look around we can see much color, hear the sounds of the leaves beneath our feet, and smell the cornucopia of scents invading our nostrils. This may be a time of decay, but in the transition of the season we are given a most wonderful and beautiful gift; the gift of change. It is, hopefully, a gift to inspire us. For me, I see beauty before I see the decay and desolation. There is also a beauty in the recognition that after this time of desolation will come another season of rebirth and new growth. This season is not the end, but only the beginning. This season represents change, and in the process of change we feel the pain before the joy. We may now be experiencing a decay and desolation, but it is all a part of the circle of life, for the trees will reproduce their leaves and the fallen leaves will provide fertilizer enabling the new growth of plants in the Spring. This is a season of preparation, yet in this time of preparation there is also its own beauty.
Change is never easy, and as I have blogged about in the past (click here to find previous posts) it is necessary to remember that change, although different, doesn’t have to be negative. The process may be painful, but if we focus on the result we see that for which we long. As we see the leaves fall we are assured there will be Spring followed by Summer. The cycle of life; mirroring the cycles of our lives.
Here are a few suggestions I have come up with to help in this time of transition:
- Recall the memories of this past Summer. Cherish your experiences from the past season.
- Acknowledge, don’t try to hide, the past with its pleasures, hurts, and expectations.
- Spend a few moments in quiet prayer being thankful for all we have and asking for guidance and strength to make it through this new season.
- Anticipate the future in this new season. Prepare for what you can control; plan for what you can’t (see previous blog posts on this topic).
- Experience this season of Autumn through the eyes of a child – you will be surprised at the insights.
In all things, try to cherish the moment at hand.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}