Posts Tagged ‘happiness’
Barriers to Happiness: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcome Them
Image Source: AI Generated
Everyone wants to be happy, but life throws obstacles that might seem impossible to overcome and act as barriers to happiness. Our work with thousands of people shows these challenges are manageable with the right mindset and approach.
Life can feel overwhelming when you deal with anxiety, depression, and other happiness blockers. This guide shows you practical ways to spot and tackle these barriers that help build lasting joy and fulfillment. We’ll look at proven strategies to handle both external pressures and internal challenges that have helped many people revolutionize their lives.
Understanding the Nature of Happiness
Our experience to understand happiness shows that true happiness extends beyond fleeting moments of joy. Research shows that we characterized happiness as a state of contentment and satisfaction occurring only in conditions of safety. True happiness is substantially different from temporary pleasure and represents a mindset that doesn’t depend on external circumstances.
Defining true happiness
Happiness encompasses both emotional and cognitive components in our current understanding. Research shows that specific neurotransmitters arbitrate happiness, including acetylcholine and the parasympathetic nervous system. Satisfaction and contentment describe happiness more accurately than pleasure. Our client work shows that true happiness can exist even without pleasure from dopamine, highlighting its unique qualities. As I’ve previously written, true happiness is also called inner peace.
Dispelling common myths about happiness
Research has uncovered several persistent myths about happiness that prevent people from achieving it. The World Happiness Survey shows how many popular beliefs about happiness miss the mark. These myths need our attention:
- The belief that money guarantees happiness doesn’t hold up. Research shows that higher income guides to minimal happiness gains beyond a certain point
- Many think a relationship is essential for happiness. However, research proves that single people experience the same happiness levels as married individuals
- Most people believe happiness fades with age. The truth shows the opposite – people actually become happier as they grow older
The role of mindset in achieving happiness
Your mindset plays a significant role in determining happiness levels. Research shows a strong connection between mindset and happiness. Self-awareness demonstrates the strongest link to happiness among mindset skills. A strong sense of identity and self-confidence helps promote happiness.
Mindsets can change and adapt easily. Understanding and adjusting your mindset improves well-being and builds resilience against life’s challenges. A growth mindset helps you view setbacks as opportunities to learn instead of failures. This fundamental change in perspective makes a real difference in how you handle difficulties.
Overcoming External Barriers to Happiness
External barriers create most important challenges in the interests of happiness. People can manage these common obstacles with proper understanding and the right approach.
Dealing with societal pressures and expectations
Our client work over the years reveals society’s pressure that substantially influences behavior and mental well-being. Studies show that over 72% of young adults report feeling pressured to conform to societal expectations. Social media platforms create unrealistic standards for personal success and happiness. People should develop a strong sense of self and learn to value their authenticity over society’s expectations.
Managing work-life balance
Our connected world makes balancing work and personal life a real challenge. Research indicates that employees with full autonomy to choose their work environment report higher job satisfaction. Here are proven strategies that help create a healthy balance:
- Set firm boundaries between professional and personal time
- Design your schedule around your life priorities
- Take care of yourself and manage stress regularly
Navigating financial stress and insecurity
Financial stress stands as one of the biggest external barriers that block our path to happiness. Research reveals that over 70% of Americans experience stress about money. Money-related worries affect our sleep quality, self-esteem, and relationships deeply. People need to tackle these concerns head-on instead of avoiding them. A clear financial plan helps, and support from others proves valuable because financial stress and mental health challenges tend to feed off each other.
Our experience shows that these external barriers might look daunting but we can overcome them. People can reduce these barriers’ effect on their happiness and well-being by acknowledging their challenges and taking focused steps to address them.
Addressing Internal Obstacles to Joy
Personal battles within ourselves create the toughest roadblocks to happiness and affect our personal and professional lives. Our client work shows that these inner roadblocks affect well-being by a lot. Research proves that low self-esteem often plays a major role in both anxiety and depression.
Confronting self-doubt and insecurity
Self-doubt can crush your personal growth. Research shows that low self-esteem triggers anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. These feelings often push you toward self-defeating behaviors like avoidance and procrastination. Your relationships and career progress suffer as a result. We use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness to equip you with tools that challenge these negative thought patterns. Most people see the most important improvements within 12 sessions.
Overcoming past traumas and negative experiences
Past traumas create deep psychological wounds that continue to affect daily life well beyond the actual event. Research demonstrates that childhood insecurities often persist into adulthood when left unaddressed. The healing journey needs a comprehensive strategy that includes:
- Mindfulness practices to stay present
- Problem-solving therapy for proactive solutions
- Exposure work to confront, process and heal fears
Letting go of comparisons and envy
Research has found that social comparisons can poison our happiness. Studies reveal that comparisons are always unfair because we tend to match our worst traits against someone else’s highlight reel. Our clients learn that these comparisons steal precious time – each of our 86,400 seconds daily holds too much value to waste on comparing ourselves to others.
Our coaching approach helps people see their unique gifts, talents, and contributions. Personal growth, not comparison, guides us toward lasting happiness and fulfillment. This new view lets us celebrate our achievements and appreciate others’ successes without feeling less worthy.
Implementing Daily Practices for Lasting Happiness
Scientific research shows that daily happiness practices change our brain’s structure and function permanently. Scientists found that people who actively develop gratitude demonstrate greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex, which controls learning and decision-making.
Establishing a gratitude routine
Our experience with clients shows that gratitude practices don’t need complex routines or expensive retreats. Research proves that spending just two minutes daily scanning for three new things to be grateful for can substantially affect happiness levels. We recommend these simple yet powerful practices to our clients:
- Morning gratitude reflection (10 minutes)
- Mindful appreciation during meals
- Evening gratitude journaling
- Weekly gratitude sharing with loved ones
Incorporating mindfulness and meditation
Mindfulness practices help people reduce their stress levels and manage emotions better. Daily meditation sessions of just 10 minutes improve overall wellbeing. People who meditate for 20 minutes or longer experience even greater benefits. Mindfulness makes us conscious about directing our attention and builds a strong foundation for lasting happiness.
Pursuing personal growth and self-improvement
Our experience shows how personal development creates lasting happiness. Personal growth happens naturally as you step outside your comfort zone and explore new interests. This journey guides you to become a more well-rounded individual. Reading improves personal development and helps you learn about psychological realities.
Science confirms that happiness extends beyond feeling good. The real joy comes from working toward our full potential. Research proves that a positive mindset increases intelligence and triples creativity. Your productive energy rises by 31% too intelligence rises and creativity triples, while productive energy increases by 31%. These techniques have helped countless people break through their happiness barriers and build lasting joy in their lives.
Conclusion
Research and real-world evidence show that happiness comes from changing our mindset and taking thoughtful action. True contentment doesn’t depend on quick pleasures or achievements. It emerges when we tackle both inner and outer challenges with proven methods. Simple techniques like practicing gratitude and mindfulness help people overcome common challenges such as self-doubt, social pressure, and emotional scars.
People who practice happiness techniques every day experience positive brain changes that last. Their improved mental patterns and personal development create stronger defenses against life’s difficulties. These changes help them stay content longer.
Our coaches, who have a lot of experience, understand these patterns and can help you start your path to long-term happiness. Anyone can learn these vital skills with practice and the right guidance to find genuine, lasting joy.
Boost Happiness and Well-Being with Daily Routines
Happiness is not universal; it varies from person to person. Our unique life experiences, values, and other factors shape our definitions of happiness.
A variety of factors influences our individual definitions of happiness, including our personal life experiences, values, and other unique aspects of our lives. These factors play a significant role in shaping our understanding and perception of what brings us joy and fulfillment.
Our life experiences, whether positive or negative, contribute to our understanding of happiness and inform our preferences and desires. Each person’s journey is distinct, and as a result, our understanding of happiness is deeply personal and subjective. It is through the interplay of these various factors that we develop our unique perspectives on what it means to be happy.
Regardless of the personal definition, everyone wants to be happy. Who wouldn’t prefer joy and contentment over stress and a frustrating lack of fulfillment? Here are a few routines you can practice daily to boost your emotional wellness and give you more joy.
Love Yourself Because You Deserve It
Practice self-care. Take care of yourself. Develop daily routines that make you appreciate who you are. Smile when you look in the mirror. You are the only person exactly like you that will ever exist, and that’s something to appreciate. Start embracing daily self-love practices to celebrate the unique and wonderful person you are.
Exercise for 10 Minutes
An intense 10-minute exercise session can boost your mental and physical well-being in several ways. Devote 10 minutes in the morning to physical activity with moderate to vigorous intensity. Do the same thing in the evening. You will benefit from less stress and more positive emotions because of the cocktail of feel-good hormones and chemicals that exercise produces.
Discover Your Happiness Cheat Codes
Some video games have cheat codes that help you succeed. If you can’t get past a particular level, you enter the cheat code and are victorious. You have cheat codes of happiness in your life. To discover them, record your daily experiences.
Write them down in a small notebook or on your phone. Record any event that provides you with emotions like joy and contentment. Then, turn to those experiences in the future for a reliable dose of happiness.
Start Each Day with Intention
Starting the day with intention contributes significantly to greater happiness and fulfillment. When you begin your day with purpose and clear objectives, you set a positive tone for the hours ahead. Whether setting meaningful goals, expressing gratitude, or simply visualizing a successful and harmonious day, this intentional approach helps you focus on what truly matters. It allows you to make conscious choices that align with your values and aspirations, ultimately leading to a more purposeful and satisfying life.
Practicing these emotional well-being boosters every day can lead to a significant increase in happiness and contentment. By incorporating these simple yet effective strategies into your daily routine, you are actively taking steps towards enhancing your emotional well-being and experiencing a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness in life. So why wait? Start implementing these practices today and unlock a happier, more fulfilling life filled with happiness.
We can help guide you in finding a daily pattern of happiness through life coaching. Call the office 240-587-7854 or email us: info@lifesjourneyblog.com.
inner peace: how to have it when life feels devastating
Inner peace can be difficult to have when everything in life seems to be going wrong. If you find yourself in a situation where it feels like everything is going wrong, and you can’t find inner peace, don’t panic. That’s actually a challenge that all of us face once in a while. Instead, try to relax and remind yourself that even if things seem like they are out of your control, maybe it’s because this is the path we were meant to take.
How can you find happiness when it seems like everything is going wrong?
For those who’ve been through devasting life events, life often takes a sudden turn for the absolute worst. It’s hard to remember a time when you were happy and optimistic when all you can think about is the horrors that you were forced to witness firsthand. Shock and confusion are the first reactions that we experience after a devastating event. There is only one question that goes through your head now, and that is why me?
When you have anxiety, it can feel like the whole world is against you. But it’s really not the entire world, but one aspect of your life that’s causing the problem. This is a significant perspective shift to make since it narrows the issue to a manageable size.
A traumatic event can have a negative impact on your life. However, how you interpret it and how you react to that event will determine how you feel. You have the power to make this worse or better. The way you talk to yourself and interpret the events in your life determines how much emotional pain you will experience. You can choose to see life events as problems or as a way to grow and learn from them.
When I hear about devasting events, how do I maintain inner peace?
In the news, we rarely hear of happy stories, those stories where people do good works or are helping others. Instead, we hear of the divisions in society, wars around the globe, riots, and murders. How can we maintain our inner peace when so much wrong is happening around us which we can’t control?
One way is to relinquish unnecessary control, whether it’s over yourself or other people. In preserving your inner peace, you have to accept what comes, especially when it’s from sources you can’t predict or control. Focus your perspective on those things you do have control over, such as your feelings and actions. Do what you can do, what you can’t do, or what is out of your control; you need to let it go. Holding on to what I can’t control will only produce anxiety because I can’t change it.
Focus on the positives in life
When things are going wrong, it’s hard to recognize what is going right. It’s easy to screen out the good stuff and only focus on the wrong things. Remind yourself that some things are going right. Purposely look for the positive, even if it is something minimal.
You get what you look for. In other words, if your perspective is focused on the negatives in life, then all you will experience are the negatives. Yet, focusing our perspective on the positives, even the smallest of positives, will help you to see more positives around you.
Here are perspective shifts you can do …
1. This Too Shall Pass
2. Some Things are Going Right
3. I Have Some Control
4. I Can Ask for Help
5. I Have Overcome Past Difficulties
Here are positive thoughts you can work on …
1. Be Thankful You Woke up This Morning
2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
3. Don’t Judge Others
4. Take Control of Your Mornings
5. Focus on the Good Things in Your Life No Matter How Small
6. Look at the Funny Side
Inner peace will stay with you so long as you remain focused on thoughts and behaviors which enable inner peace.
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Why Happiness is So Important for Your Health and Wellness
Happiness has more importance than just feeling good. Happiness is also essential to your health, longevity, success, and relationships. This is all proven by research and science. Happiness is healthy!
We’re seeking something more out of life, and happiness is what we think will solve our issues. Yet happiness comes and goes; it’s a fleeting emotion. As I’ve written in previous articles, our goal should not be happiness. Instead, our goal should be inner peace.
Therefore, happiness is not the end; it’s a means we use to get to the end, inner peace.
The importance of happiness is often discounted in a culture obsessed with material success. Still, it’s hard to purchase something that will make you happy in the long term.
Your happiness isn’t just important to you. It’s also important to your friends, family, and your employer.
Consider these ideas:
- Happy people are healthier. Happier people get sick less frequently and less severely on average. Happy people visit the hospital less often. A bad mood is bad for your immune system, too.
- Happy people are less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. Your physical and mental health are at greater risk when you’re not happy.
- Healthcare is costly. Happiness can be a great way to save a lot of money.
- Happy people live longer. Several studies suggest that the happiest people live up to 10 years longer than those that are the least happy. Since happy people are healthier, they also tend to live longer too. Happiness can do more to boost your lifespan than just about anything else. It’s free, too.
- Happy people are more resistant to stress. Unhappy people are more easily overwhelmed when stressed. Happy people are better able to handle stress, and the effect that stress has on them is decreased. Being happy makes you more capable.
- Happy people are more successful. It’s worth asking if successful people are successful because they’re happy. Or are they happy because they’re successful? It’s likely a little of both. Happy people are more productive, have better relationships, and handle stress better.
- Happy people enjoy more robust relationships. Would you rather be around someone that was happy most of the time or someone that was not? Being happy can boost all of your relationships, including those with your partner, family, friends, and coworkers.
- Think about the happiest people you know. They tend to have great friendships and intimate relationships. They are close to their families, too.
- Unhappy people are often alone and have challenging relationships when they do have people in their lives.
- Happy people get more done. Happy people are more productive and are better employees. Think about how much better you take care of your home when you’re happy versus those times you’re unhappy. If you have an open position at work, consider happiness as a factor when hiring.
- Happy people have more friends. Of course, they have more friends. Happy people attract others. We enjoy being around people that are in a positive emotional state. We avoid those that aren’t. If you want to have more plans for the weekend, be happier!
- Happy people are more creative. A happy mind is more open to new ideas and concepts. A happy person is more likely to have a sound creative idea than someone unhappy.
- If you’re struggling to find a solution to a problem, put yourself in a happy state first. You’ll be much more likely to find the answer you need.
We often postpone happiness for a later date. We decide that we’ll be happy after we finish school, buy a house, save a certain amount of money, or find the person of our dreams. This is a mistake. Being unhappy harms yourself and everyone else in your life.
Do yourself and everyone else in your life a huge favor and make your happiness a priority!
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Happiness: 10 Things You Can Do Each Day to Enhance Your Happiness
Happiness! Everyone wants to be happy, right? Even animals are instinctively driven toward comfort and away from discomfort. Yet, so many of us feel that becoming happy is too difficult. We look for the “trick” or the quick fix in finding happiness.
But what if being happy is simpler than you think? What if I told you that you can be happy every day, regardless of what’s happening in your life? I’m not naive. I, too, had to learn happiness and to find my inner peace. That’s why I know it’s possible. Because I’ve done it!
There are many simple and easy things you can do each day to increase the odds of feeling happy. You’ll even enjoy doing them since their self-rewarding behaviors.
Take control of your happiness with these ideas:
Listen to music that you love
There aren’t many things that can influence your emotions faster than hearing a song that you love. You can find just about any song you please online for free these days. Set aside a few minutes each day to listen to a song or two that boosts your mood.
Be grateful
It only takes a moment to think of the good things in your life. You probably have food to eat, a friend or two, or a place to sleep that’s out of the rain. In fact, you probably have more than that. Remind yourself of the good things you have instead of focusing on the things you lack. Positive thoughts lead to more positive thoughts.
Spend some time outdoors
Sit in the sun, take a walk, or work in the garden. If you telework, bring your laptop outside and work. Your mind, body, and spirit need a little sun and fresh air each day. It can do wonders for your outlook on life.
Think happy thoughts
Your thoughts lead and create your emotions. If you think about something stressful, you’ll feel stressed. Think about something that makes you happy, and you’ll feel more optimistic. What are your happiest memories? There’s no harm in spending a few minutes thinking some happy thoughts! Happiness begets more happiness.
Make progress
Studies have shown that one of the most potent ways to increase happiness is to progress toward a goal. It could be doing one extra push-up, learning a new word in Italian, losing a pound, or learning a new scale on the piano. It doesn’t take a lot of progress to feel good. Focus on the progress made and not on how far you still have to go.
Spend time with others
Back in the day, it was hard to find time to spend by yourself, but we’re more isolated these days. We chat with people online, text, and spend a lot of time alone. It’s essential to have a meaningful face-to-face conversation once in a while.
Forgive quickly
It’s very challenging to be happy when you’re holding a grudge. Forgive quickly and easily if you want to be happier. That doesn’t mean you have to give the other person another chance. Forgiving someone doesn’t have to include the possibility of a repeat performance.
Be optimistic
An optimistic perspective produces a happier mood than a pessimistic perspective. It’s essential to be realistic, too. Foolish optimism might feel good at the moment, but the pain is on its way. Have a hopeful but reasonable outlook on life.
Exercise
If you’ve been sitting all day, going for a long walk or a bike ride changes how you feel for the better. Being sedentary is hard on your mood. A little exercise can definitely boost your happiness.
Relax
Relax at least once each day. You could close your eyes and sit in the sun. Meditate. Take a nap. Do a little yoga. It’s up to you. Stress is an obstacle to happiness.
You don’t need a million dollars, a yacht, or a full-time housekeeper to be happy. A few simple behaviors done daily can move you closer to feeling happy each day.
What are you prepared to do today to enhance your happiness? Make a plan and add to your positive emotions.
If you’re ready to explore life coaching, I would be honored to help. You can read more about my practice or call me directly at 301-850-2177.
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How To Find Inner Peace And Happiness During COVID
Inner peace and happiness are possible even during a long-lasting pandemic. The “new normal” is a phrase that has entered our everyday speech, along with terms such as “social distancing,” “physical distancing,” or “PPE.” Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, our lives have been changed.
To think that almost a year ago, we weren’t living under the restrictions of a pandemic! I still remember the day I was told to leave work. We all were under the impression we’d return in a couple of weeks. Just a brief “vacation” of sorts. Who knew that almost a year later, I’m still working from home. Life has changed for all of us, and we don’t know when it’ll end. And that not knowing is the origin of our stress taking away our inner peace.
The idea of a “new normal” is problematic and causes many of us to feel anxious. Friends and clients of mine worry that life may never be how it was before the pandemic. Yes, that may be true. But I wonder if a return to life as it was is in our best interest.
How The Modern World Necessitates Inner Peace
“The modern world takes a heavy toll on all of us. Smart technology, internet everywhere we go, and an emerging all-access work culture that expects us to be “on” whenever possible. Lunch breaks become shorter, weekends become extinct, and vacations become something you put off for your retirement. And it’s not always a matter of choice.” Source: hackspirit.com
Whenever we don’t see an end to hardship or feel trapped without any choices, our stress and anxiety increase. Think of your current situation to understand this concept. The answer to finding inner peace and happiness during a pandemic is found in our perceptive shift. We need to find choices in our life to stop feeling trapped.
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When we focus on a new normal, we compare our present moment with our past moments. As I reflect on my past moments before COVID, I recall many positive aspects of my life and our society. Yet, I also remember that there were negative aspects, too.
Might it be possible that this time of “difference” in your life and society may also be a time to create a “new normal”? Might this present moment be an opportunity to move into the future of possibilities?
I propose a shift in perspective where we focus on the positive elements of now and plan how we’ll continue them when the pandemic is no longer an issue.
Instead of a return to normal, let’s proactively work toward a positive new normal, which will, over time, simply be lived as “normal.”
Feel the truth that you’re safe and loved
“Remind yourself that you’re breathing. And hopefully, you’re physically protected,” says Julie Potiker, mindful self-compassion teacher and author of Life Falls Apart, But You Don’t Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos “Think about the people you care about, and the people who care about you,” Potiker suggests, saying that focusing on that can lower your panic-response. “Let the truth of that warm your heart.” Source: oprahmag.com
My Lesson Opportunities To Find Inner Peace During COVID
Re-define “normal”
Normal is what we’re used to, but our routines have been challenged for almost a year. Longing for normal means a longing for the past. Challenge yourself to find the positives of today and look to a “new normal” filled with possibilities.
Let go of victim thinking
These COVID events are not targeted to you individually, even if you are affected by them. A victim is a person devoid of choices. You have options today. Some aspects of our lives are beyond our control, yet other elements are in your control. Learn the difference and focus on those areas of your life you can change and make changes.
Re-connection with family
Quarantines, for better or worse, have forced families to be together. No family dynamic is perfect, but think about it, has your family grown closer? Have you eaten more dinners together or started game nights? Lack of commuting, virtual schooling, and telework are providing families more time together. How can this togetherness become your new normal?
Find your inner peace
Anger has a way of taking over life, spilling onto people or events we aren’t even angry about. Our society is sharing in this everyday new normal, enabling us to better understand each other in our shared experience. Take the energy of your anger and shift it to a passion of service toward your family, community, or society.
Nurture friendships
I grew up in the decades before the internet and the existence of social media. I recall spending much of my time with my friends in person. We can’t physically spend time with friends during quarantine, but we can use our technology for good. Spend time with your friends via the internet, where you can see each other and share in a group conversation and group activities. If this interaction with your friends is new to you, how can you maintain this new normal in the future?
Be kind to others and yourself
As a society, we are coping with the pandemic in our own ways. I’ve experienced, though, that many people seem a bit nicer and more patient. We’re in this together. Many messages we hear lately are reminders to take care of ourselves during the quarantine. Self-care is essential for us to do daily. How will you continue, daily, taking care of yourself and being kind to others in this new normal?
Your experience
What aspects of this future new normal would you like to keep? What would you like to change or stay the same? Make a list for you and your loved ones.
I challenge you to shift your perspective to look at this period of life from a negative attitude and look at it from a positive one. We can create a future filled with positive experiences. Don’t let this past year pass you by without walking away with healthy learning. Let’s proactively shape the future we want to live in.
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Why Aren’t You Happy? How To Change That
Why aren’t you happy? This is a question we often ask ourselves, answering ourselves with excuses we tell ourselves. Can I be happy? Sure, you can, but are you sure you want to be happy?
I find that today, listening to the news and hearing people bickering about politics is not easy to be happy. Even if I am happy, once I hear about more violence in the country, I’m no longer happy. So why aren’t you happy? Try to be happy in today’s culture!
Fair observation. Outside forces and experiences can and do take away our happiness. Being happy isn’t always easy, but it does happen. You may want to check out a previous article of mine I titled: “Happiness Is Not The Answer But Here’s What Is.”
In that article, I wrote: “Happiness is a fleeting emotion which comes and goes. As such, happiness can’t be a life goal. This is why I don’t encourage people to seek happiness as a life goal.” My premise is that we need to focus on inner peace instead of a fleeting of happiness. But for the purpose of this article, I’m content with using the word happy.
Many times we lose our happiness due to outside factors, but I find I lose my happy feeling because of my own inner issues. We can be our worst enemy when it comes to keeping or losing our happiness. The positive side to this is that if I’m my worst enemy, can’t I also be my own best friend? Yes!
Our thoughts are actually our own creation. They may seem to pop up in our heads, but in reality, we create them. So, since we create them, we can change or delete them. A favorite quote by Dr. Judith Beck, Ph.D., is “just because I think it doesn’t mean its true.” Just because there’s a negative thought about me, doesn’t mean its a right thought. As a child, I used to have the thought I was Superman. Obviously, having that thought didn’t make it accurate. So why do we put faith in negative thinking about ourselves?
Here are my ways of keeping my happiness:
- Thoughts: Learn and believe that I’m the creator of my thoughts, and so I can change those thoughts whenever I want. If you’re not feeling happy, check your thoughts to discover what you’re telling yourself. If you’re telling yourself unhappy thoughts, then, of course, you will feel unhappy.
- Perspective: The way we view the world around us becomes our reality. If we focus our thoughts on the negative, of course, all you will perceive is negative. The more you look for the positive, the more positive you will find. And if your perspective is positive based, so will your thoughts.
- Kindness: Have you noticed that many times we are kinder to others than we are to ourselves? Learn to treat yourself as you treat others. If you are patient with others or give them the benefit of the doubt, do the same to yourself.
- Mindfulness: Practice living in the moment, feeling what you’re feeling without judgment. Learn those times when you aren’t happy, and teach yourself ways to become happy.
- Keep Going: Just when life is going great and you’re feeling comfortable, we tend to self-sabotage. We stop ourselves just before we achieve our success through the thoughts of not feeling worthy or of not thinking you really can achieve this. Don’t allow those thoughts to influence you. You made it this far, keep going.
Why aren’t you happy? It might be your own thoughts. Change your thoughts, and you can once again feel happy.
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Happiness Is Not The Answer But Here’s What Is
Are you happy? The reason I ask is that many people tend to judge their life goals or where they are in life based on their level of happiness.
So, for our purposes, I describe happiness as “our level of satisfaction with what we have at the moment”. Now, when we say, “with what we have,” that could be our material goods, job, career, relationships, or anything else. So, taken in the context of my definition of happiness, are you happy?
This may sound strange, but I promote that happiness is not a goal to strive toward. Why would I stay away from a goal of happiness? Well, the reason that I say this is that we tend to look at happiness as “Am I satisfied with what I have right now?”
The problem with that question is that the answer changes over time. I might, as a child, be satisfied in life playing with a cardboard box. But, all that changes when I become a teenager and young adult, as that box may no longer make me happy. As I advance through adulthood, the whole notion of happiness changes again.
Bonus: Download Chris Shea’s booklet on Life Coaching & is it for me? Click here to get it
So, when we look at the idea of “my life’s goal is to be happy,” are you saying you want to be happy right now, or are you talking about always being happy? If you want to always be happy, how are you going to do that? Is that a reasonable goal?
Happiness is a fleeting emotion which comes and goes. As such, happiness can’t be a life goal. This is why I don’t encourage people to seek happiness as a life goal.
Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I’m not saying, “Don’t be happy.” It’s important to be happy and to want happiness. What I’m saying is that happiness to fleeting to be a goal. If you think back on your happiest moment, can you feel that emotion again? If you can find that emotion again, can you live it to its fullest as you did then? Odds are, you can’t. Emotions are fleeting.
For me, I encourage people to find their inner peace. “What is inner peace? How can I achieve this inner peace?” I’ve come to realize that many of us feel stressed and anxious when we feel out of control. So, if I’m dealing with something in life that I feel is totally out of my control, and I think there’s nothing that I can do about it, I’m going to feel pretty stressed over that because generally speaking, we like to be in control. That’s just human nature.
When we’re not in control, then the stress goes up. When we find ourselves in situations we think is in our control, then our stress goes down. We can also find our inner peace when we are in union with ourselves. What do I mean?
Think about your values, those ideals which are important to you. What holds meaning for you? When you reflect on yourself, are you acting and thinking in ways that are in union with those values, those beliefs?
When we can become more in tune with what’s really important deep down then we begin to live that. We think and act in ways that unite us with what we are thinking and doing. That’s when we start to feel an inner peace because we are joined with our values and actions. Therefore, I’m at peace with myself since I’m in union with myself.
When I do things that go against who I am I’m no longer in sync with who I am, then I’m going to lose that peace.
Here’s a quote I often use, from the Talmud, that says, “We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” In other words, the way that I believe about and view myself influences the way that I see the world around me; other people, situations, and the like.
So, if I really don’t like myself, if I’m having issues with who I am, if there are things going on in me that seems negative, I am not going to look outside and say, “Oh, look at that wonderful sun,” or “Look at that beautiful sunset.” No. That’s not how I’m going to view it because I don’t view myself that way.
Here’s a true story from when I was in college. There was this professor who, every morning, if you walked up to him and said, “Good morning,” he would look at you with the sternest look and reply, “Don’t tell me what kind of morning to have.” He was not a happy man. He wouldn’t even let anybody sit with him during meals.
He had his reasons for this attitude given his history, but other people had similar histories as well and lived a more peaceful life. Yes, he had a reason to be upset, but even so, that was his past, and we still have the choice of how we wish to live in the present.
The bottom line is that we have choices in life. If you want to live miserably go ahead. Live the way that you want to live, but don’t complain about the situation in which you’re living if this is something that you’re choosing to do. You can’t choose your circumstance but you can choose the way that you view that circumstance, and for me, this is why I don’t promote people saying, “Well, my life’s goal is to be happy.”
Happiness is too dependent upon feelings, too dependent upon things, too dependent upon situations. You see if we promote living in conjunction with who we are and seek a life goal to find inner peace it doesn’t matter if I’m happy or not. Inner peace has nothing to do with my circumstance but everything to do with my response to the situation.
I could feel miserable; I could feel sad; I could feel angry; I could feel out of control; I could feel any of those things, but still have peace within myself because regardless of what I’m feeling, I’m acting and thinking in union with who I am.
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